Are You Really Present with Your Children?

Are You Really Present with Your Children?

How often are you fully present when you are with your kids? Not just in the same room. Not just supervising homework while scrolling your phone. Actually present. Listening. Engaged. Focused entirely on them.

If you are honest with yourself, it is probably less often than you would like. And that is not a criticism. It is just the reality of being a parent in a world that never stops demanding your attention.

I have three kids. When they were little, I was running my photography business full time, managing a household and trying to be a decent partner on top of it all. There were days when I felt like I was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Physically present but mentally running through tomorrow's to-do list while my child was trying to tell me something about their day.

It took me a while to realise that being in the room is not the same as being present. And that the difference matters more than I thought.

What "Being Present" Actually Looks Like

For me, the only way to genuinely be present with my kids was to create what I called "time alone" with each of them. Not family time where everyone is together and chaos reigns. Individual, one-on-one time where I did whatever they wanted to do.

During that time, I did not answer the phone. I did not fold laundry or empty the dishwasher. I did not think about client emails or what was for dinner. It was their time, and they had my full attention.

Some days it was half an hour. Some days it was longer. The length mattered less than the quality. What mattered was that for that window of time, my child knew they were the most important thing in my world.

What Happens When Kids Do Not Get Your Full Attention

Children are perceptive. They know when you are distracted. They know when you are half-listening. And they interpret it in a way that is hard to hear: they think they are not important to you.

That is not what you mean, of course. You are distracted because you have a hundred things to do and not enough hours. But your child does not see your to-do list. They see a parent who keeps looking at their phone, who answers every call, who says "in a minute" and then forgets.

When kids do not get focused attention, they find other ways to get it. Some chatter nonstop, trying to hold your attention by sheer volume. Some act out, fighting with siblings or pushing back on chores, homework and bedtime. Some go quiet and stop trying altogether. None of these are bad behaviour. They are a child communicating a need the only way they know how.

My Own Experience Growing Up

My mum was always busy when I was a kid. She was juggling three children and working part time, and it felt like she never had time to just be with me. She never asked about my thoughts or feelings, or how things were going at school. She never played with me or just hung out with me.

I do not say that to criticise her. She was doing her best with what she had. But I remember how it felt. And when I became a mum, I was determined to do it differently. That is where the "time alone" idea came from. I did not want my kids to grow up feeling like they were not important enough for me to stop and pay attention.

It Gets Harder as They Get Older

When your kids are little, they want your attention constantly. The challenge is finding the energy to give it. But as they get older, the dynamic shifts. My kids are busy now with their own friends, schoolwork and screens. There are days where I am the one trying to get their attention, not the other way around.

This is where the habits you build when they are young pay off. If your child has always had that one-on-one time with you, they are more likely to keep talking to you as teenagers. Not about everything. But about enough. The connection you build in those early years becomes the foundation for the relationship you have with them later.

Think About How It Feels When Someone Really Listens to You

When was the last time someone gave you their complete attention? Looked you in the eyes, listened to what you were saying, and did not check their phone or look over your shoulder? It feels incredible, does it not? It feels like you matter.

Now think about how rarely that happens in everyday life. Most conversations are half-attention at best. We are all guilty of it.

Your child feels the same way you do when someone truly listens. And they feel the same way you do when someone does not.

You Do Not Need to Be Perfect

This is not about guilt. Nobody can be fully present every minute of every day. You have a life to run, meals to cook, a house to manage and probably a job on top of that. The goal is not perfection. The goal is intention.

Thirty minutes a day of genuine, focused, one-on-one time with your child is enough. Put the phone in another room. Turn off the television. Sit with them and do whatever they want to do. Ask them questions and actually listen to the answers. Let them lead.

It does not have to be elaborate. It can be a walk around the block. Drawing together. Kicking a ball in the backyard. Lying on the couch while they tell you about a game they are playing. The activity does not matter. Your attention does.

They Grow Up Fast

I know this sounds like a cliché, but it is true in a way that only hits you when it is happening. One day you are settling a newborn at 2am and the next you are dropping a teenager at a party and hoping they text you when they want to be picked up.

The version of your child that exists right now will not exist for long. The things they are excited about, the way they laugh, the stories they tell you at bedtime. All of it is temporary. And the only way to hold onto it is to actually be there for it.

You have an opportunity every single day to give your child something that costs nothing and means everything. Your full, undivided attention. Even if it is just for half an hour.

Do not miss it.

Kate x

5 Tips for Better Photos of Your Kids (No Fancy Camera Required)

Most parents think they need a better camera to take better photos. I hear it all the time. "I would take more photos but my phone camera is not great." Here is the thing: the camera on your phone is fine. More than fine, actually. As a photographer with over 23 years of experience, I can tell you that your best camera is the one you know how to use. So instead of worrying about equipment, get to know the features on your phone and learn how to use the light, the setting and your child's personality to your advantage.

These are my five tips for taking better photos of your kids at home, and not one of them requires you to spend a cent.

Choose the Time of Day Wisely

This is the single biggest thing you can do to improve your photos. Harsh midday light creates hard shadows on faces, and it is genuinely unpleasant to have your photo taken when the sun is shining directly at you. Adults squint. Kids squint worse, or they just close their eyes entirely. The result is a phone full of photos where nobody looks comfortable.

The best light for photos is early in the morning or late in the evening. Photographers call these the golden hours. Shortly after sunrise or just before sunset, the sun sits at its lowest point in the sky, which creates softer, warmer light. The shadows are gentle, the colours are beautiful and your kids are not screwing up their faces trying to look at you.

I know what you are thinking. At those times you are either making breakfast or doing the bath and bedtime routine. Fair enough. That leads me to the next tip.

Shade and Cloud Cover Are Your Best Friends

A cloudy day might be a bride's nightmare, but for a photographer it is often preferred. Clouds act like a natural diffuser, softening the sunlight so it wraps around faces evenly instead of creating harsh shadows. If the sky is clear, find a nice open shady spot instead. Under a tree, on a covered porch, or even just the shaded side of your house.

One thing to watch for in shade is dappled light. Those little speckles of sun that seep through branches look lovely in person but create uneven patches across faces in photos. If you can see spots of bright light on the ground where you are standing, move to a spot where the shade is more even.

As a mum of three, some of my favourite photos of my kids were taken on overcast days in the backyard. The light was flat and even, the kids were relaxed, and I did not have to wrestle with shadows or squinting.

Keep the Background Simple

Everyone loves that blurry background effect where the subject stands out and everything behind them is soft. That is called shallow depth of field, and it is hard to achieve on a phone camera. But the reason we love it is not actually the blur itself. It is that the person in the photo stands out clearly from their surroundings.

You can get a similar effect by choosing a simple, uncluttered background. A green hedge, a plain wall, open sky at the beach, or a stretch of grass at the park. The less visual noise behind your child, the more they become the focus of the image.

Avoid taking photos in front of cluttered shelves, busy playgrounds or car parks. Even a beautiful park can produce a messy photo if there are bins, signs and other people directly behind your child. Take a second to look at what is behind them before you press the shutter. Move a step to the left or right and the background can change completely.

Do Not Say Cheese

This is probably my favourite tip because it is the one every parent instinctively does. You hold up the phone and say "say cheese!" and your child clamps their top and bottom teeth together in a forced grimace that looks nothing like their actual smile.

Instead, try asking them to say something silly. "Stinky undies" works almost every time. "Smelly socks." "Poo bum." Whatever makes your particular child laugh. The goal is to get a genuine reaction, not a posed one.

With younger kids, I find that making a silly noise or pretending to sneeze works better than asking them to say anything at all. With older kids and teenagers, asking them to think about something funny that happened recently can produce a real smile. The key is that the expression needs to come from a real moment, not from an instruction.

After 23 years of photographing kids, I can tell you that the difference between a forced smile and a real one is immediately obvious in a photo. And the real one is always the one that ends up on the wall.

Let Them Be Themselves

This is the tip that most parents find hardest. We want a nice photo, so we try to pose our kids. Stand here. Look at me. Hold still. Arms down. Smile. And the result is a stiff, awkward image that does not capture who your child actually is.

The best photos of children are almost always candid. Let siblings tickle each other. Let them dance. Ask them about their favourite movie or what happened at school that day. When a child is doing something they love or talking about something that excites them, their face lights up in a way that no amount of posing can replicate.

Some of my most treasured personal photos of my own kids are the ones where they had no idea I was even taking a photo. Running through the sprinkler. Laughing at each other over breakfast. Reading a book with the dog. Those are the images that capture who they are at this stage, and those are the ones I am most grateful for.

The Real Secret

The best photos are not about the camera, the lens or the lighting. They are about connection. If your child feels relaxed, comfortable and happy, it will show in the photo. If they feel pressured, bored or annoyed, that will show too.

So put down the stress about equipment. Use the camera you have. Find some nice light. Keep the background simple. Make them laugh instead of making them pose. And take lots of photos, because the more you take, the more likely you are to catch that one perfect moment.

And if you want photos that go beyond what your phone can do, that is where I come in. A family session at my studio in Gordon is relaxed, natural and designed to capture your family exactly as you are. No forced smiles. No awkward posing. Just your family being yourselves.

Kate x

Top 5 Settling Techniques for a Newborn

Your new little person has arrived safely. You have left hospital where they were sleeping perfectly, and now you cannot get them to sleep at home. I have been there. With my firstborn, I remember days and days of worrying that he would not sleep, spending hours settling him only to have him wake up 20 minutes later.

These are the five techniques that made the biggest difference for me.

Make Sure They Have Had a Really Good Feed

When you are breastfeeding, it is hard to know when your baby has had enough. A warm, cosy baby is much more likely to fall asleep mid-feed, which means they wake up hungry 20 minutes later and you are back to square one.

I had a few tricks that helped me keep feeds going longer. I used to take their clothes off before feeding so they were not too warm and comfortable. I kept the room a little cooler than usual. And I tickled their feet while they fed. All of these things helped keep them awake long enough to get a full feed, which meant longer sleeps afterwards.

Burp Them Properly

I remember thinking in the early days that if they had not burped after a few seconds, they were not going to. I was wrong. It can take a few minutes, and the technique matters. I found holding them upright on my shoulder and patting their back worked best for me. My sister used to lie her babies across her knees and pat. Every baby is different, so try a few positions until you find what works for yours.

A baby with trapped wind is not going to settle no matter what else you do, so this step is worth the patience.

Wrapping is Worth the Effort

My babies all had a strong startle reflex. Every time they stirred, they would startle themselves awake, which meant nobody was getting any sleep. I quickly worked out that wrapping firmly made a huge difference.

There are lots of wrapping techniques, so find the one that is easiest for you. The key is to wrap firmly enough that they cannot wriggle free too easily. If you have a summer baby, use a lighter wrap so they do not overheat. These days there are also some great sleeping bags that do the same job without the wrapping.

Do Not Keep the House Too Quiet

This is one of the best things I did. I never closed the baby's door, and I always had the radio or TV playing in the background. My babies got used to falling asleep with normal household noise around them, which meant they were far less likely to wake at a sudden sound.

I had a friend who insisted on total silence when her kids were sleeping. She would usher us into the backyard, we had to whisper, and she had signs all over her front door not to ring the doorbell. Her babies never slept well. I think there is a lesson in that.

The bonus of background noise is that my kids used to wake up happy. I could hear them chatting in their cots, and I did not need to rush in the second they stirred.

The "If All Else Fails" Option

Some days, nothing works. You have fed them, burped them, wrapped them, and they are still not sleeping. On those days, I used to put them in the car and go for a drive. There are very few babies who are not settled by the movement and the noise of a car. It can guarantee a decent sleep and saves you from dealing with an overtired baby for the rest of the day.

No guilt required. Whatever gets your baby to sleep is the right answer.

Kate x

Easy Meals for Fussy Toddlers: Quick, Healthy Recipes You Can Make Together

If you have a fussy toddler, you already know the drill. You spend time cooking something nutritious, put it in front of them, and they look at you like you have just served them a plate of dirt. It is exhausting.

After three kids of my own and years of chatting with mums at sessions, I have learned that most toddlers fall into one of three categories: the one who eats everything (lucky you), the one who refuses anything green, and the one who will only eat plain food. If yours is in category two or three, these tips and recipes might help.

Give Them a Choice

One of the simplest things you can do is let your toddler choose. Not from the entire fridge, but from three options you have already decided on. "What does your tummy feel like for dinner? We have this, this or this." It gives them a sense of independence and makes them more likely to actually eat what ends up on the plate.

Cook Together

Meals you make together are not just about food. They are bonding time, education and conversation all rolled into one. My kids always gave me one-word answers about their day at childcare, but put them next to me at the kitchen bench with something to stir or mash and suddenly they would not stop talking. It breaks down that barrier because they are focused on spending time with you rather than running off to the next toy.

Use Their Interests

Whatever your child is obsessed with right now, use it. Monster trucks, unicorns, Bluey, dinosaurs. Unicorn pancakes with a banana horn. Dinosaur toast with vegetable claws. If it is too fiddly to make from food, grab a cheap plastic toy from the party section and pop it on the plate. It sounds silly but it works.

Three Quick Recipes to Try

Banana Pancakes

Ingredients: 

1 x Ripe Banana

1 x Egg 

2 x Table spoon Self raising flour

Mash the banana until smooth, whisk in the egg and flour, let it sit for five minutes, then cook spoonfuls in a non-stick pan over medium heat for one to two minutes each side. Done. Fruit disguised as a treat.

Pirate Ship Tacos

Ingredients: 

Old El Paso - Soft Tortilla bowl

500g x Mince

1 x Shredded Cheese bag.

2x Tomatoes 

1x Iceberg lettuce

1 x taco seasoning 

1 x pack of little flags ( pirate flags, princess flags - relate to your toddlers interest - usually found in party or baking section at the grocery store.) 

Set up five small bowls and get your toddler to separate the ingredients into each one. It will be messy, but that is half the fun. Let them build their own taco, top it with a little flag from the party section at the shops, and call it a pirate ship. Make one for yourself too.

Dippy Eggs and Soldiers

Ingredients: 

1 x Egg ( per child) 

2 x toast.

Boil the eggs for three to four minutes for a runny yolk. Toast the bread, cut it into long strips and let your toddler dip away. My grandma called them dunking soldiers and it is still one of the simplest meals that kids love.

You Are Doing a Great Job

Feeding a fussy toddler is one of the most frustrating parts of parenting. But if they are fed, happy and loved, you are nailing it. Try one of these this week and see how you go.

Kate x