How to Create "Me Time" When You're a Busy Mum

If you are anything like me, you have probably forgotten what it feels like to do something just for yourself. Between school runs, work, cooking, cleaning and making sure everyone else is happy, your own needs end up at the very bottom of the list. And at some point, you stop noticing they are even there.

I get it. I have three kids, and there were years where I could not tell you the last time I sat down with a book or went for a walk on my own. Everything revolved around everyone else. But here is what I have learned: you cannot pour from an empty cup, and taking time for yourself is not selfish. It is necessary.

Start with 30 Minutes a Day

That is it. Thirty minutes. Read a book. Go for a walk. Meet a friend for coffee. Have a nap. Yes, I said it. A nap. Whatever you want to do with those 30 minutes is entirely up to you.

This might mean the laundry does not get folded straight away. The groceries might wait an extra hour. But does it affect anyone? Does it hurt anyone? Not at all. If your baby is safe, fed and loved, you are doing your job.

This does mean working as a team with your partner. And for the record, this is not just about mums. Dads need a break too. Working together on this can genuinely change the dynamic at home.

Meal Prep to Buy Yourself Time

Dinner is one of the biggest time drains. You collect the kids, get home, cook, feed everyone, do bath time, story time, bedtime, then clean the kitchen. By the time you sit down, it is your bedtime too.

Meal prep changes this. Pick a day, maybe Sunday, and cook a few meals for the week. Get the kids involved, or do it with your partner or a friend. Pop the meals in the freezer and you have just bought yourself time during the week. Time to spend with the kids without rushing, time for yourself, or time to just sit on the couch with your family and do absolutely nothing.

Get the Kids Involved in the Housework

The laundry is never going to go away, so you might as well make it work for you. Depending on how old your kids are, turn it into a game. Little ones can match sock colours and line them up on the couch. It is colour practice for toddlers and a bit of bonding time for you.

Toy clean-up works the same way. Create a chart or a whiteboard. If your child picks up all their toys and puts them back in the right spots, they get a mark. Five days in a row and they earn something special on Saturday. A matchbox car, a trip to their favourite park, their favourite dinner, or movie night with popcorn. Positive reinforcement helps them build good habits and gives you a bit of breathing room in your routine.

You Matter Too

There will always be a way to create more time in your day if you look for it. And there is no need to feel guilty about taking it. You are human. You matter. And you are doing a great job.

Kate x

Postnatal Depression and Anxiety: One Mum's Story

Why is this something we never talk about? The number of women that go through it, and you only hear about it after you reluctantly say something to a friend, or even a stranger. And often after the worst of it has passed and you are coming out the other side.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with my second, and if I am completely honest, I felt so much guilt because I was not happy to be pregnant. I wondered if I had made a mistake, and it felt awful inside that I might not actually want my baby.

I then started to get really sick. I was three months pregnant and was skin and bone as they investigated what was wrong with me. In the end, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. My feelings totally flipped around. I realised how much I wanted my baby. I was terrified about whether he would be okay. I was told to take medications that can cause birth defects, but was informed by my doctors that if I did not get better and look after myself, it would be worse for my unborn child.

In the end, I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. I was loving every moment. I had forgotten the newborn touch and smell. I was taking everything in and able to enjoy it the second time around, as I was not filled with the fear and unknown of a first-time mum. But as the months went by, I found myself getting lost in dark thoughts. I would sit in my room feeding and just crying, and not sure why. I never spoke to anyone about how I felt and was confused as to why I felt like I did.

I found myself going to the feeding clinics at the community centre, even though I had no issues feeding. I would find myself crying when the community nurse told me I was doing a great job. I guess this raised some alarm bells with her, so she asked me to come in for an appointment where they get you to answer a questionnaire. I do not think I was completely honest in it, but even still, I was recording levels of depression.

One night, confused and feeling alone and unable to sleep, I took a whole sleeve of anti-anxiety medication. I did not have the intention of self-harm but just wanted to sleep. However, when I look back, I did also know that what I was doing was not good.

I then decided that to get better, I had to talk. I told my psychologist, who I had started seeing towards the end of my pregnancy, and I had never talked to her about my feelings. I had previously only spoken about the children and dealing with trivial daily things. I had the community nurse ring my husband and GP, telling them what was going on, so I could no longer hide it. And had I not started to open up, the healing process may never have started.

It is so important to know that you are not alone. You are never alone. Even if you do not want to seek help from those you are close to, seek it from other places such as helplines and medical practitioners.

Sarah, mum to two boys, Harrison and Hugo

If you think this could be you, please reach out for support.

Lifeline (24 hours, 7 days) 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) 1300 726 306 Monday to Friday 9am – 7.30pm, Saturday 9am – 4pm (AEST/AEDT) www.panda.org.au

Healthdirect Mental Health Helplines www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-helplines

How family photos on the wall boost your kids' self esteem

I talk a lot about why family photos matter, but this one always surprises people.

There's actual research behind the idea that displaying family photos at home can boost your kids' confidence. A 1975 study by Tulane University looked at a group of fourth graders in Tennessee who had low self esteem scores. Over five weeks, the kids were given Polaroid cameras and asked to photograph themselves in different poses and emotions. They created scrapbooks from the photos each week. By the end of the study, those kids showed a 37% increase in self esteem, just from regularly seeing images of themselves.

That's not a small number.

It's about belonging

Psychologist David Krauss has studied the connection between family photos and how children see themselves. He says that when a child sees a family portrait displayed in the home, it creates a visible sense of the family unit. The child can physically see that they belong to something. That they're a valued part of it.

Vancouver-based psychologist Judy Weiser takes it further. She says family photos help children learn who they are and where they fit. They learn about their own family's story and their place in it. It helps them feel safe.

I see this in my own studio all the time. When families come back for their ordering session and their kids see themselves up on the big screen, their faces light up. They point at themselves. They laugh at their siblings. They see their family and they see themselves in it.

The problem with keeping photos on your phone

Here's where most families are getting it wrong. We take more photos than ever, but they live on our phones. Your kids don't scroll through your camera roll. They don't see those photos unless you show them.

Krauss makes the point that a photo on the wall, one that a child walks past every single day without having to turn on a device or click through a folder, has a completely different impact. It's just there. It's permanent. It says "you matter enough to be on this wall."

When your child sees their face displayed in your home, in a spot where everyone who visits can see it, it tells them something. It tells them they're important. That they belong. That you're proud of them.

It's one of the simplest things you can do

As parents we pour so much energy into giving our kids every advantage. We sign them up for tutoring and sport and music. We worry about their friendships and their screen time and whether they're eating enough vegetables.

But something as simple as putting a photo of your family on the wall, where your kids can see it every day, can genuinely make a difference to how they feel about themselves.

I've been photographing families for over 23 years, and this is the thing I wish more parents understood. The photos aren't just for you. They're for your kids too.

How to get dad to enjoy a family photo session

I can't tell you how often I get dads arriving for a session with a frown on their face, totally stressed about what's about to happen.

No one really loves having their photo taken, but dads in particular seem to dread it the most. The good news is there are some easy things you can do to make the whole experience something he actually enjoys. Maybe even enough that next time you suggest updating the family portraits, he's happy to go.

1. Don't fuss too much over outfits

As mums, we tend to overanalyse what everyone is going to wear. But for dads, being told what to put on is one of the worst parts of the whole thing.

My advice is to pick a colour. It can be grey, blue, black, white. Whatever suits your family best. Then find tops that roughly coordinate around that choice. The bottoms don't matter as much. Jeans work well, or a simple skirt for you, but don't overthink it.

Most importantly, pick something dad is going to feel comfortable in. There is nothing worse than seeing a dad arrive in a button-up shirt and tie when I can tell he's the kind of guy who normally walks around in shorts and thongs. Pick something that reflects him.

This goes for the kids too. So many mums want to dress their kids up in that outfit they don't actually like, and then the kids look miserable the whole session.

2. Reassure him it won't take long

I often get people really focused on how long the session is going to go for. My advice is don't pick your photographer based on the number of hours they offer. Pick them based on the style of their photography.

My sessions never go over an hour. I find with young kids they've had enough after 30 to 40 minutes, and the dads have definitely had enough by then too.

You don't need hours to get great photos. You just need a photographer who can connect with your kids and capture real moments with them.

Check with your photographer beforehand how long the session will take and give dad a rough idea so he knows what to expect. It's always easier for a guy to have a timeframe rather than getting there and finding out he's going to be there for hours.

3. Relax and let your kids have fun

Once you're at the session, relax and let your kids be themselves. The real smiles that come from kids bouncing around and having fun are the ones that make the best photos. Dads love watching the kids enjoy themselves and having a joke with them.

When dad looks back at the photos and sees real smiles from real moments with his kids, he'll treasure those memories. And next time you ask him to come in for a session, he won't hesitate.

4. Talk to him about what you're thinking of buying

So often mums are the decision makers at home, but I really think it's important to involve dad in the process.

Have a look around your home and think about where you'd like to put something. Then have a chat with him about the kind of size he likes. If you like the idea of an album, look at the different options together and make sure there's something that suits you both.

Sometimes I get families arriving to their ordering session and mum hasn't even shown dad the pricing. There is nothing more awkward than that moment when he has no idea of the budget you're expecting to spend. Have an honest conversation beforehand. Talk about the kinds of things you love and what you'd like to buy from the session. It makes the whole process less stressful for everyone.

It also really helps me as your photographer to know what you're aiming for, so I can focus on getting exactly what's going to suit your home.

5. Book a time when you're not racing to get there

Life with kids is busy. But my advice is to pick a time for your session where there isn't going to be a lot of stress around getting there.

If you have little kids, see if dad can take the morning off work. It's so much easier to come in during the week when he's fresh and hasn't been working all week. You could make a day of it. Do the session in the morning and then head out for a nice lunch together.

If you have teenagers, a Saturday is going to be the best option, but try to work it around sporting commitments. So often I have families race from a sporting match, throw the kids in the shower and then race to get to me. Everyone arrives stressed out.

If your Saturdays are always full of sport, look for a time in the school holidays. Sports are off, there's more time, and maybe dad can take a morning or a day off work and spend time with the kids as well.