Toilet Training Your Toddler: 8 Tips That Actually Work

Toilet training. Nobody thinks about it before they become a parent, and then suddenly it is all anyone asks you about. "Is she toilet trained yet?" "What age does he need to be out of nappies for childcare?" "Oh, mine was trained by 18 months." Thanks for that.

The pressure from family, friends and daycare can make you want to throw the whole idea in the too-hard basket. And honestly, it is hard. Two to three years is the average age for children to start, but every child is different, and there is no magic formula that works for everyone.

After three kids and years of swapping war stories with mums at sessions, here are the eight tips that actually made a difference.

1. Start Introducing the Idea Early

You do not have to go all in at 18 months, but gently introducing the concept around the age of two gives your child time to get used to the idea. If your child shows signs of readiness a little earlier, there is no harm in starting to practise. Signs to look for include telling you when they have done a wee or poo in their nappy, showing interest in the toilet, or staying dry for longer stretches.

Starting early does not mean pushing. It means making the toilet part of their world so it is not a shock when the time comes.

2. Make the Toilet Less Intimidating

A full-sized toilet is enormous when you are two. Sitting on it can feel genuinely scary for a small child. A small potty chair or a potty seat that fits over the regular toilet makes a huge difference. For boys, make sure it has a front shield to contain the mess.

Put the potty in the room where your child spends most of their time. Let them sit on it with their clothes on at first, just to get used to it. The less unfamiliar it feels, the more willing they will be to actually use it.

3. Clear Your Schedule and Pick Your Moment

Do not try to start toilet training in the middle of a hectic week. Pick a stretch of days when you can stay home and focus on it properly. Long weekends and school holidays work well. I know that is not how anyone wants to spend their time off, but dedicating two or three days to really focusing on it can save you weeks of on-and-off attempts.

Summer is ideal if you can manage it. Warm weather means fewer layers to deal with, and your child will not mind running around in just a shirt and undies. Less clothing means fewer accidents to clean up and a faster connection between the feeling of needing to go and actually getting to the toilet.

4. Choose Your Language Carefully

Decide early on what words you will use for body parts, wee and poo, and stick with them. Keep it simple and matter-of-fact. "Wee wee" and "poo poo" work perfectly well for toddlers. The important thing is consistency so your child knows exactly what you mean.

Avoid negative language. Words like "gross", "yucky" or "naughty" can make your child feel ashamed about something that is completely natural. Accidents will happen, and how you react to them matters. A calm "that is okay, let's try the potty next time" goes a lot further than frustration.

5. Use Their Favourite Toy to Demonstrate

This sounds silly but it works. Take your child's favourite doll, teddy bear or action figure and put it on the potty. Explain that the bear is doing a wee on the potty. Put a pretend nappy on the toy and then graduate the toy to undies. Your child learns by watching and imitating, and seeing their beloved toy go through the process normalises it.

My kids responded to this far better than any amount of explaining. Something about seeing teddy do it first made the whole thing less daunting.

6. Use Books and Videos

There are plenty of children's books and videos about toilet training available online and at the library. Let your child watch or read about other children learning to use the potty. It helps them understand the process and realise that every child goes through it.

A practical tip: let your child look at their favourite book while sitting on the potty. It keeps them sitting there long enough for something to actually happen, and it turns the experience into something positive rather than something they dread.

7. Make It an Event

Get out the calendar and let your child pick a "Potty Day". Circle the date in a bright colour. Talk about it in the lead-up. Build some excitement around it. "Potty Day is nearly here!" might sound ridiculous to you, but to a toddler it makes the whole thing feel like an achievement rather than a chore.

Creating a positive atmosphere around toilet training makes your child more willing to try. Sticker charts, high fives and small rewards for successful trips to the potty all help reinforce the message that this is something to be proud of.

8. Once You Start, Do Not Go Back

This is the most important tip and the one most parents struggle with. Once you switch from nappies to undies during the day, commit to it. Keep nappies for nap time and sleep time only. The more consistent you are, the faster your child will learn.

If you are worried about the car seat, put a towel or a reusable nappy insert underneath them. If you are going out, pack spare clothes. Accept that there will be accidents and plan for them rather than reverting to nappies.

Going back and forth between nappies and undies sends mixed signals and extends the whole process. Consistency is everything.

Be Patient with Yourself and with Them

Toilet training is not a one-day event. It takes time, patience and a lot of cleaning up. Some children get it within a few days. Others take weeks. Both are normal. Your child will get there. They will not be in nappies for ever, even if it feels like it right now.

And if you are in the thick of it and it feels like nothing is working, take a breath. Step back for a week if you need to and try again. There is no deadline. There is no competition. Your child will be ready when they are ready.

You are doing a great job.

Kate x

Are You Really Present with Your Children?

Are You Really Present with Your Children?

How often are you fully present when you are with your kids? Not just in the same room. Not just supervising homework while scrolling your phone. Actually present. Listening. Engaged. Focused entirely on them.

If you are honest with yourself, it is probably less often than you would like. And that is not a criticism. It is just the reality of being a parent in a world that never stops demanding your attention.

I have three kids. When they were little, I was running my photography business full time, managing a household and trying to be a decent partner on top of it all. There were days when I felt like I was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Physically present but mentally running through tomorrow's to-do list while my child was trying to tell me something about their day.

It took me a while to realise that being in the room is not the same as being present. And that the difference matters more than I thought.

What "Being Present" Actually Looks Like

For me, the only way to genuinely be present with my kids was to create what I called "time alone" with each of them. Not family time where everyone is together and chaos reigns. Individual, one-on-one time where I did whatever they wanted to do.

During that time, I did not answer the phone. I did not fold laundry or empty the dishwasher. I did not think about client emails or what was for dinner. It was their time, and they had my full attention.

Some days it was half an hour. Some days it was longer. The length mattered less than the quality. What mattered was that for that window of time, my child knew they were the most important thing in my world.

What Happens When Kids Do Not Get Your Full Attention

Children are perceptive. They know when you are distracted. They know when you are half-listening. And they interpret it in a way that is hard to hear: they think they are not important to you.

That is not what you mean, of course. You are distracted because you have a hundred things to do and not enough hours. But your child does not see your to-do list. They see a parent who keeps looking at their phone, who answers every call, who says "in a minute" and then forgets.

When kids do not get focused attention, they find other ways to get it. Some chatter nonstop, trying to hold your attention by sheer volume. Some act out, fighting with siblings or pushing back on chores, homework and bedtime. Some go quiet and stop trying altogether. None of these are bad behaviour. They are a child communicating a need the only way they know how.

My Own Experience Growing Up

My mum was always busy when I was a kid. She was juggling three children and working part time, and it felt like she never had time to just be with me. She never asked about my thoughts or feelings, or how things were going at school. She never played with me or just hung out with me.

I do not say that to criticise her. She was doing her best with what she had. But I remember how it felt. And when I became a mum, I was determined to do it differently. That is where the "time alone" idea came from. I did not want my kids to grow up feeling like they were not important enough for me to stop and pay attention.

It Gets Harder as They Get Older

When your kids are little, they want your attention constantly. The challenge is finding the energy to give it. But as they get older, the dynamic shifts. My kids are busy now with their own friends, schoolwork and screens. There are days where I am the one trying to get their attention, not the other way around.

This is where the habits you build when they are young pay off. If your child has always had that one-on-one time with you, they are more likely to keep talking to you as teenagers. Not about everything. But about enough. The connection you build in those early years becomes the foundation for the relationship you have with them later.

Think About How It Feels When Someone Really Listens to You

When was the last time someone gave you their complete attention? Looked you in the eyes, listened to what you were saying, and did not check their phone or look over your shoulder? It feels incredible, does it not? It feels like you matter.

Now think about how rarely that happens in everyday life. Most conversations are half-attention at best. We are all guilty of it.

Your child feels the same way you do when someone truly listens. And they feel the same way you do when someone does not.

You Do Not Need to Be Perfect

This is not about guilt. Nobody can be fully present every minute of every day. You have a life to run, meals to cook, a house to manage and probably a job on top of that. The goal is not perfection. The goal is intention.

Thirty minutes a day of genuine, focused, one-on-one time with your child is enough. Put the phone in another room. Turn off the television. Sit with them and do whatever they want to do. Ask them questions and actually listen to the answers. Let them lead.

It does not have to be elaborate. It can be a walk around the block. Drawing together. Kicking a ball in the backyard. Lying on the couch while they tell you about a game they are playing. The activity does not matter. Your attention does.

They Grow Up Fast

I know this sounds like a cliché, but it is true in a way that only hits you when it is happening. One day you are settling a newborn at 2am and the next you are dropping a teenager at a party and hoping they text you when they want to be picked up.

The version of your child that exists right now will not exist for long. The things they are excited about, the way they laugh, the stories they tell you at bedtime. All of it is temporary. And the only way to hold onto it is to actually be there for it.

You have an opportunity every single day to give your child something that costs nothing and means everything. Your full, undivided attention. Even if it is just for half an hour.

Do not miss it.

Kate x

How to Create "Me Time" When You're a Busy Mum

If you are anything like me, you have probably forgotten what it feels like to do something just for yourself. Between school runs, work, cooking, cleaning and making sure everyone else is happy, your own needs end up at the very bottom of the list. And at some point, you stop noticing they are even there.

I get it. I have three kids, and there were years where I could not tell you the last time I sat down with a book or went for a walk on my own. Everything revolved around everyone else. But here is what I have learned: you cannot pour from an empty cup, and taking time for yourself is not selfish. It is necessary.

Start with 30 Minutes a Day

That is it. Thirty minutes. Read a book. Go for a walk. Meet a friend for coffee. Have a nap. Yes, I said it. A nap. Whatever you want to do with those 30 minutes is entirely up to you.

This might mean the laundry does not get folded straight away. The groceries might wait an extra hour. But does it affect anyone? Does it hurt anyone? Not at all. If your baby is safe, fed and loved, you are doing your job.

This does mean working as a team with your partner. And for the record, this is not just about mums. Dads need a break too. Working together on this can genuinely change the dynamic at home.

Meal Prep to Buy Yourself Time

Dinner is one of the biggest time drains. You collect the kids, get home, cook, feed everyone, do bath time, story time, bedtime, then clean the kitchen. By the time you sit down, it is your bedtime too.

Meal prep changes this. Pick a day, maybe Sunday, and cook a few meals for the week. Get the kids involved, or do it with your partner or a friend. Pop the meals in the freezer and you have just bought yourself time during the week. Time to spend with the kids without rushing, time for yourself, or time to just sit on the couch with your family and do absolutely nothing.

Get the Kids Involved in the Housework

The laundry is never going to go away, so you might as well make it work for you. Depending on how old your kids are, turn it into a game. Little ones can match sock colours and line them up on the couch. It is colour practice for toddlers and a bit of bonding time for you.

Toy clean-up works the same way. Create a chart or a whiteboard. If your child picks up all their toys and puts them back in the right spots, they get a mark. Five days in a row and they earn something special on Saturday. A matchbox car, a trip to their favourite park, their favourite dinner, or movie night with popcorn. Positive reinforcement helps them build good habits and gives you a bit of breathing room in your routine.

You Matter Too

There will always be a way to create more time in your day if you look for it. And there is no need to feel guilty about taking it. You are human. You matter. And you are doing a great job.

Kate x

Postnatal Depression and Anxiety: One Mum's Story

Why is this something we never talk about? The number of women that go through it, and you only hear about it after you reluctantly say something to a friend, or even a stranger. And often after the worst of it has passed and you are coming out the other side.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with my second, and if I am completely honest, I felt so much guilt because I was not happy to be pregnant. I wondered if I had made a mistake, and it felt awful inside that I might not actually want my baby.

I then started to get really sick. I was three months pregnant and was skin and bone as they investigated what was wrong with me. In the end, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. My feelings totally flipped around. I realised how much I wanted my baby. I was terrified about whether he would be okay. I was told to take medications that can cause birth defects, but was informed by my doctors that if I did not get better and look after myself, it would be worse for my unborn child.

In the end, I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. I was loving every moment. I had forgotten the newborn touch and smell. I was taking everything in and able to enjoy it the second time around, as I was not filled with the fear and unknown of a first-time mum. But as the months went by, I found myself getting lost in dark thoughts. I would sit in my room feeding and just crying, and not sure why. I never spoke to anyone about how I felt and was confused as to why I felt like I did.

I found myself going to the feeding clinics at the community centre, even though I had no issues feeding. I would find myself crying when the community nurse told me I was doing a great job. I guess this raised some alarm bells with her, so she asked me to come in for an appointment where they get you to answer a questionnaire. I do not think I was completely honest in it, but even still, I was recording levels of depression.

One night, confused and feeling alone and unable to sleep, I took a whole sleeve of anti-anxiety medication. I did not have the intention of self-harm but just wanted to sleep. However, when I look back, I did also know that what I was doing was not good.

I then decided that to get better, I had to talk. I told my psychologist, who I had started seeing towards the end of my pregnancy, and I had never talked to her about my feelings. I had previously only spoken about the children and dealing with trivial daily things. I had the community nurse ring my husband and GP, telling them what was going on, so I could no longer hide it. And had I not started to open up, the healing process may never have started.

It is so important to know that you are not alone. You are never alone. Even if you do not want to seek help from those you are close to, seek it from other places such as helplines and medical practitioners.

Sarah, mum to two boys, Harrison and Hugo

If you think this could be you, please reach out for support.

Lifeline (24 hours, 7 days) 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) 1300 726 306 Monday to Friday 9am – 7.30pm, Saturday 9am – 4pm (AEST/AEDT) www.panda.org.au

Healthdirect Mental Health Helplines www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-helplines