5 things I wish I knew when I was pregnant

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I thought I was prepared. I had read the books, talked to friends and done all the research. But there were things that nobody told me, or that I did not truly understand until I lived through them. Now, after three babies and 23 years of photographing newborns and pregnant mums, these are the five things I wish someone had told me honestly before my first baby arrived.

Labour Is Not What You Think It Is

I remember one of the first things I felt when I found out I was pregnant was fear about labour. I had seen it in films and television shows where it is always this dramatic, screaming, chaotic event. Rushed to hospital. Lots of yelling. Total panic.

I am not going to tell you labour does not hurt, because it absolutely does. But my experience, and I think most women's experience, is nothing like what you see on screen. My three births were all completely different from each other. One was long, one was fast, and one was somewhere in between. But in all three cases, the moment they placed my baby on my chest, everything I had just been through disappeared. Instantly. It is a feeling like nothing else you will ever experience.

So my advice is this: when you are scared about labour, focus on the end. Focus on the moment you will hold your baby for the first time. That is what matters. Everything else is just the path to get there.

Do Not Overbuy Baby Clothes

I spent so much time worrying about what clothes to buy before my first baby arrived. How many outfits? What size? What if the baby was bigger or smaller than expected?

Here is what I wish someone had told me: buy about a week's worth of outfits in neutral tones and leave it at that. Even if you know you are having a boy or a girl, neutral colours mean you can reuse everything for future babies. Your newborn will grow out of those tiny sizes within about four weeks anyway, so there is no point stocking up.

Once your baby arrives and you know their actual size, you can go out and buy what you need in sizes that will last longer. You will also have a much better idea of what is practical by then. Those beautiful outfits with a hundred tiny buttons? You will learn very quickly that zips and press studs are your best friend at 3am.

Sleep Now, Because You Will Not Later

I remember complaining about not sleeping well when I was pregnant. I had no idea what was coming.

If I could go back, I would take sleep far more seriously during pregnancy. A few things that helped me: going to bed a little earlier than usual, which is also a good habit to build before the baby arrives. Taking a quick nap during the day whenever possible, even just 20 minutes. And getting a full-length body pillow. This was probably the single best purchase I made during pregnancy. It supports your belly, makes side-sleeping comfortable and you will keep using it long after the baby arrives.

The sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn is real, and it hits harder than you expect. Anything you can do to bank sleep beforehand is worth it.

Learn to Trust Your Gut Now

From the moment you tell people you are pregnant, the advice starts. Everyone has an opinion. Your mum, your friends, your colleagues, strangers in the supermarket. Most of it comes from a good place, but a lot of it is contradictory. One person tells you to do one thing, and the next tells you the exact opposite.

My advice is to listen to everything, but only take on what genuinely resonates with you. There is no rulebook for raising children. The guidelines change every few years anyway. What was recommended when I had my first is different from what they recommend now.

As a mum, your gut instinct is one of the most powerful tools you have. I have heard countless stories from mums over the years who trusted their instincts about their child's health when even the doctors were saying everything was fine, and they were right every single time.

Start listening to your intuition now, while you are pregnant. Practice filtering out the noise and paying attention to what feels right for you. When your baby arrives, you will need that skill more than ever.

There is no right or wrong way to raise a child. We all want to raise happy, resilient little people who can go out into the world and thrive. You will make mistakes. That is normal. All you can do is your best. And the thing your child needs most from you is not perfection. It is love.

Enjoy Being a Couple Before the Baby Arrives

It is easy to get so caught up in preparing for your baby that you forget about your partner. Everything becomes about the nursery, the pram, the hospital bag, the birth plan. And somewhere in all of that, your relationship takes a back seat.

Pregnancy is a strange time for partners. They watch you change physically and emotionally, but for them nothing is visibly different yet. I remember my husband telling me he did not feel ready to be a dad. I think a lot of men feel that way but do not say it.

While you are pregnant, make time to do the things you have always enjoyed together. Go out for dinner. Watch a film on the couch. Take a walk. It does not have to be anything big. Just time together as a couple, not as parents-to-be planning a nursery.

When your baby arrives, your focus will naturally shift to them for the first 12 months at least. That is completely normal, and your partner will understand. But the foundation you build as a couple before the baby comes will carry you through those early months when everything feels overwhelming.

You Will Not Remember as Much as You Think

Here is the thing nobody tells you. You think you will remember everything about those first weeks. The way they fit in your arms. The weight of them on your chest as they slept. Those little sounds they made. The way their eyelids fluttered when they were dreaming. The tiny hands that wrapped around your finger. The expressions on their face as they tried so hard to focus on yours.

But life moves fast. And it all becomes a blur far sooner than you expect.

I photograph newborns within the first few weeks of life, and I do it because I know from my own experience how quickly those details fade. Your memory is not as reliable as you think it is, especially when you are running on no sleep and your world has just been turned upside down in the most beautiful way.

Do not rely on your memory for those early moments. Have them captured properly so that in 18 years, when that tiny baby is finishing school and heading off into the world, you can look back and remember exactly how it felt.

If you are pregnant right now or planning to be, I would love to chat about capturing your family at this incredible stage. Whether it is a maternity session, a newborn session, or both, these are the photos you will treasure most.

Kate x

Top 5 Settling Techniques for a Newborn

Your new little person has arrived safely. You have left hospital where they were sleeping perfectly, and now you cannot get them to sleep at home. I have been there. With my firstborn, I remember days and days of worrying that he would not sleep, spending hours settling him only to have him wake up 20 minutes later.

These are the five techniques that made the biggest difference for me.

Make Sure They Have Had a Really Good Feed

When you are breastfeeding, it is hard to know when your baby has had enough. A warm, cosy baby is much more likely to fall asleep mid-feed, which means they wake up hungry 20 minutes later and you are back to square one.

I had a few tricks that helped me keep feeds going longer. I used to take their clothes off before feeding so they were not too warm and comfortable. I kept the room a little cooler than usual. And I tickled their feet while they fed. All of these things helped keep them awake long enough to get a full feed, which meant longer sleeps afterwards.

Burp Them Properly

I remember thinking in the early days that if they had not burped after a few seconds, they were not going to. I was wrong. It can take a few minutes, and the technique matters. I found holding them upright on my shoulder and patting their back worked best for me. My sister used to lie her babies across her knees and pat. Every baby is different, so try a few positions until you find what works for yours.

A baby with trapped wind is not going to settle no matter what else you do, so this step is worth the patience.

Wrapping is Worth the Effort

My babies all had a strong startle reflex. Every time they stirred, they would startle themselves awake, which meant nobody was getting any sleep. I quickly worked out that wrapping firmly made a huge difference.

There are lots of wrapping techniques, so find the one that is easiest for you. The key is to wrap firmly enough that they cannot wriggle free too easily. If you have a summer baby, use a lighter wrap so they do not overheat. These days there are also some great sleeping bags that do the same job without the wrapping.

Do Not Keep the House Too Quiet

This is one of the best things I did. I never closed the baby's door, and I always had the radio or TV playing in the background. My babies got used to falling asleep with normal household noise around them, which meant they were far less likely to wake at a sudden sound.

I had a friend who insisted on total silence when her kids were sleeping. She would usher us into the backyard, we had to whisper, and she had signs all over her front door not to ring the doorbell. Her babies never slept well. I think there is a lesson in that.

The bonus of background noise is that my kids used to wake up happy. I could hear them chatting in their cots, and I did not need to rush in the second they stirred.

The "If All Else Fails" Option

Some days, nothing works. You have fed them, burped them, wrapped them, and they are still not sleeping. On those days, I used to put them in the car and go for a drive. There are very few babies who are not settled by the movement and the noise of a car. It can guarantee a decent sleep and saves you from dealing with an overtired baby for the rest of the day.

No guilt required. Whatever gets your baby to sleep is the right answer.

Kate x